Chapter Thirty-Five: Stevie Nicks Told Me To Come Out

The hardest part for most LGBT people is telling their parents and family because their acceptance or rejection can be freeing but also devasting, depending on their reaction, but after me and Mark became a couple I decided it was time to tell my parents and sisters about us and Mark wanted me to meet his mom and brother. But there was no way I could do it in person, so I decided to do it a letter.

One of the key deciding factors at that time in deciding to say something was the fact that I had a good career and a good partner, so if my parents did reject me, I was in a good postion finacially and with security, I would have a great support network to help me through the process dealing with the pain. But I didn't think they would reject me, but you never know. In my lifetime, before they knew, I heard them make some rather nasty anti-gay jokes. So I had to be careful, and I was. But first I met Mark's mom, Carol and his brother, Julius. Due to some issues I will deal with in the very next chapter, he had to tell his mom and brother about his bisexuality, but they did not know about me yet, and we went over there for dinner.

His dad died years ago, so he was raised pretty much his whole life by his mom. She never remarried after his dad died. She had two sons. Mark was the oldest and Julius was the baby. Her naming the sons Mark and Julius was based on Shakespeare characters. The first and middle names she decided were cute. For Mark, he was Mark Antony and his brother, was Julius Ceasar. The night of our dinner, I went over and he told them in person, that we were a couple, and after hearing that, came up and gave me a great big hug and we stayed friends.

Later in the week I sat down to write my letter to my parents. I told them for along time I have known I have a desire of men and that has nothing to do with them or how they raised me. They have done nothing wrong and I am what I am and there is nothing I can do to change it. After writing the letter, I took it down to a street mailbox. I wanted to send it in a way that I couldn't change my mind and get it out again, so opted to mail it this way. After getting down to the mailbox on the street, I stood there. I started pacing with the letter up and down the street, nervous about sending it. Finally after me looking like an idiot for the longest time, I walked up to the box and dropped it in. So there. It is done. Soon my parents and sisters would know.

But main motivation to say something was based on the fact that I loved Mark so much but no one knew how I felt about him and while listening to the classic Stevie Nicks song, "Stand Back", there was a line in the song that struck home with me. That line was: "First, he took my heart, then he ran No one knows how I feel What I say unless you read between my lines One man walked away from me First, he took my hand, take me home. I discovered in me that it was more important to celebrate the relationship of Mark and I then to hide from it. And this song became what I call my "coming out song". At this point, I really didn't care if people liked it or not that I was bisexual, and if they didn't like it, that is their problem. Not. Mine.

After a couple days I get a call from my mom at work. We were slow that night and I asked her if she got my letter and she reassured me that she did. She was surprised that to find a letter from me in her mailbox, and then I asked if she read the letter and what she thought. She said she did read the letter and she then preceeded to say, that she had suspected for awhile that everything is ok. I asked if she showed the letter to my sisters and to my dad, and she said "Yes, and that dad was sitting right by her and wanted to talk to me." He got on, and I said, "Hi dad". His first words were, "It's ok, Tom, we both kind of knew, but we had to wait for me to say something". He then went on to say "I think it's a phase and that you will grow out of it". But he wasn't angry, or upset, just stated it as a matter of fact. I in my mind, knew it wasn't a phase, but I simply said, "Ok". And we basically went on to other topics, he handed me the phone back to my mom. I said "I need to get off the phone, that I had to get back to work." She said, "ok, we will chat later. And that was that, they knew. I would introduce Mark later on.

On my 25th birthday, at my party, my dad gave me a card and in it he admitted that I was right, and he was wrong, and that he saw now, that it wasn't a phase, and I had taught him alot about life and people and really appreciated me being honest. Which was simply the greatest feeling in the world. I now had total acceptance of both parents, and I was allowed to open my wings at full strength. And I did, and have ever since.